Armoring Spectrum

Yielding is connection. Yielding is a spectrum of moving towards or away from a stimulus (person, place, thing). Prentis Hemphil states that “boundaries are the distance at which I can you and me simultaneously.” There are boundaries in Yielding. We strengthen or loosen our boundaries based on our experiences, needs, and wants. When we yield so much that there is no longer a barrier/boundary, then it is a collapse (think enmeshment). In the opposite direction, there is armoring.

Think of armoring like steeling yourself, or creating walls and not boundaries. Armoring is typically a result of boundary challenges or ruptures. When someone ignores or breaks a boundary with us, one of the ways we may cope is by armoring ourselves. It’s a way of creating control or safety for ourselves by moving away from someone (or something) OR an act of defending without relational reciprocity. This may happen in one swift moment, or it may be a defense mechanism that stands the test of time.

My default when seeking safety is armoring. I do this in relationships and even on social media. Learning to feel into my yielding is one of my biggest lessons presently. What feels safe to share? What was shared that no longer feels safe and is (likely) an overshare in which I yielded too much?

Self-Reflection:

-       What is my relationship to yielding, armoring, and boundaries?

-       What does this relationship look like with my friends, family, work, significant others, etc?

-       Where do I find that I collapse (if at all)? Where do I find that I armor (if at all)?