Dear Pro-Lifers,

Dear Pro-Lifers,

I write this in hopes of spreading some light on the Pro-Choice movement and the deadlock we continually find ourselves in over abortion rights. I find it unlikely a single letter will convince any of you to change your mind or your course of actions, yet I do feel like there is a misunderstanding that needs to be addressed.

When people rally around abortion rights, it is the rally around the uterus owner. When people rally around anti-abortion legislation, it is a rally around the unborn baby. In a sense, we are all Pro-Life. Our focus is, however, pointed in different directions. One is focused on the living and breathing human being that stands before us seeking bodily sovereignty to make a difficult decision that aligns with their capabilities, means, vision, or life path. These are their choices and this is their life.

One of things that repels the two groups is that of their life path. One group believes that egg would not have become fertilized if God did not want that child brought to life. My question to you is: how do you know what God’s intention is? How do you presume to know what this person’s life path is? Who gave you that authority? If there can be death through illness, war, and violence that is all “aligned” with God’s authority, then how can you be so sure that what God desires is that life? What if God wanted to teach that uterus-owner to stand in their sovereignty and make that difficult choice to end the pregnancy?

It is not for you to say. It isn’t for any human being to say what God’s desire is, but God. Assuming you know what God wants and then forcing this belief on everyone else regardless of their stance is oppression in the making. At the very least, it’s a suppression.

People who are pro-abortion rights, are not asking you to agree with them. They are not asking you to get one. They are not seeking your approval for their decisions. They are seeking the freedom to make that decision and to know what is best for them and their life without needing the external validation.

People who are anti-abortion seek to control others through the means of laws that reflect their beliefs. The seeking to control others is oppression. The seeking to diminish another’s humanity over that of another is oppression. These laws are a desire to have your beliefs validated externally by controlling what others do. This is oppression. By this definition, you may say that so many other things are considered oppression and you would be right.

Oppression is psychologically damaging to all involved. Part of why we now have such strong shifting in the relationship to psychology. What used to be only for “crazy” people is now for everyone.

You may or may not have heard of codependency. While it is normalized, that does not mean it is a healthy dynamic. In truth, it is the opposite of healthy. Codependecy has many working definitions as it is a nuanced term that can be applied in many different relational structures. The working definition that best fits here, from this article in psychcentral.com is:

“Codependency refers to any enmeshed relationship in which one person loses their sense of independence and believes they need to tend to someone else.”

It goes on to say:

“According to a 2018 research review, patterns of codependent behavior generally involve four main themes:

·       self-sacrifice

·       a tendency to focus on others

·       a need for control, which may fuel conflict

·       difficulty recognizing and expressing emotions”

Does any of this feel familiar? The tendency to focus on others and their desire to have freedom with their choices and bodily autonomy. A need for control, which may fuel conflict sounds quite a bit like the anti-abortion movement. Abortion rights does not seek to control you by asking for freedoms. Anti-abortion legislation, however, seeks to control others and does, in fact, fuel conflict. You might even see these themes in more places than just this one and you would be right. Co-dependency is normalized by our society. Co-dependency is normalized by dogmatic religions. Neither of these normalizations mean that the behaviors or relationships are healthy dynamics. They’re not, though I will save this for a different letter.

I have heard some people who are anti-abortion claim that their own beliefs are being oppressed. That their religious beliefs are being oppressed. That is why they need these bills. People oppose being told what to believe. Opposing your beliefs is not oppression. Disagreeing with your beliefs is not oppression. This is just the discomfort of having faith in something that others do not. They are allowed to not believe the same thing as you, yet they are not drafting laws telling you that you cannot practice your religion. That would be oppressive. No one is seeking to control you by seeking abortion rights, yet the same cannot be said for anti-abortion legislation.

As part of the self-sacrifice theme in co-dependency, you may be thinking that by having anti-abortion legislation that you are saving the person from themselves or convert them to your religion. Again, this isn’t your job. Being saved is an inside job. There’s an English Proverb:   You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. These anti-abortion laws are vinegar; not honey. Standing back, allowing someone to make an important life choice, loving them for where they are at regardless of your beliefs? Now that’s honey. Creating free access to birth control, honest and accurate sex education, medical care for all regardless of insurance? That is also honey.

Seeking to create these laws that align with your religious beliefs is the seeking to have your beliefs validated externally. Abortion Rights are not telling you that there is something wrong with your faith. Abortion Rights are not taking anything away from you that you do not already have with or without laws. Abortion Rights is asking you to maintain your right to your faith and belief without taking away the rights and beliefs of others. No one is asking you to agree with the choice. No one is asking you to change your faith. No one is asking you to make different choices for yourself.

It is not your right to dictate someone’s bodily autonomy. It is not your right to decide someone’s life path. It is not your right to decide someone’s future.

Abortion Rights is asking you to mind your own business.