Finding Safety From Within: Resourcing
In seeking for sameness in others, we are also seeking connection and, possibly, validation to what we’ve been taught or what we believe to be true. There is safety in seeing our values and opinions mirrored back to us.
If we are feeling unsafe, more than likely, we are moving out of our window of tolerance and moving towards a trauma response. Our window of tolerance is the level at which we can go about our day-to-day business and are able to process information readily as it comes at us.
In order to move towards finding safety from within, we need to develop a toolbox of resources that works for us when we are activated. Below are some ways to find safety from within. These are suggestions, which will need to be tailored to the individual and even the type of trauma response. More on that later.
1. Name, feel and release the emotion(s) that is (are) showing up. Don’t bottle it up as it doesn’t actually go away when you do that. Don’t direct it at another person. You need to allow it. Think of the emotion like a wave or a series of waves. Ride them out.
2. Ground. Literally stand with your feet on the ground and feel your feet against the earth/carpet/floor. Meditate if you have a practice. Rub your hands together. Touch/squeeze your feet. Notice what’s in the room around you or look out the window and notice what is out there.
3. Self-Care: Go for a walk/run/hike/swim/bike-ride. Yoga. Take a bath. Do some art. Grill, cook, or bake. Pick something that is soothing to you and do it. Act like this is a reward for feeling your feelings.
4. Focus on healthy behaviors, eat healthy foods, add movement to your daily life, drink plenty of water, and get some sleep. Step away from unhealthy behaviors like smoking, drinking, junk food, etc.
5. Build Self-Trust. Start by keeping one little promise to yourself every day. Start small and build from there once comfortable. Self-trust helps remind you that you are capable of taking care of yourself both physically and emotionally.
6. If accessible, therapy or counseling.
7. Get curious. Is this always your response when someone doesn’t agree or look the same as you? If not, then what was it about that thing that was so activating when the person was not the same as you or did not have the same opinion?
8. Consideration and compassion. Allow it to be ok for people to be different or not represent the same things as you. Stepping away from shaming and blaming behavior of yourself and others. It’s awful if you have experienced that type of behavior directed at you. That wasn’t ok. It’s not ok to direct it at someone else.
